Well, it’s exactly 79 days since I left Sydney looking for a new life, somewhere warmer (weather wise and heart wise). True, I haven’t written for long. True I could have. My only excuse is that I was on a solo journey.
A journey that took me to trendy Soho in New York, to the magic of Andalusia to Granada, to the power of architecture and money in Dubai, to the enchanted old city in Damascus, and finally to my beloved Jerusalem. Not many people will relate to what I have to say next, for any who will it is worth to read on…
All my life (the life of the writer of this email), from Living in Libya the first few years of my life (I was borne there) to living in Jordan, to Europe, to spending 15 years in Australia (exactly to the date!), to traveling around the world to hundreds of cities… all my life I never felt home.
Today, I sit here at the Jerusalem hotel, listening to Fairoz, writing this email on my notebook, wirelessly connected to these hundreds of cities I visited/lived in, I can say truly that at last I’m home. As I said for many people it is very hard to imagine not feeling home, but I have not felt home (in fact not known what that means) until I came here with my backpack and nothing left behind in Australia with the intention of living here in Palestine, I now know what it means to feel at home among your people.
At the risk of repeating myself, I want to say this: for 35 years (36 in 16 days) this writer had not ever ever ever known what it means to be in a place and not want to be somewhere else, not need to justify “his” being in this or that place; I’m here because this is my home, the land of my ancestors, the place where when I say I’m from here there is no further questions “but where are you from originally?”, I’m still trying to come to terms with it, trying to understand how I feel and why.
It’s not easy to say this but how is it possible that I live all these years, be me, exist, without ever feeling that I’m part of a place, part of the land?
No it’s not the now that I don’t understand, it’s the last 35 years or so, that I’m trying to come to terms with.
Well, I’m now repeating myself and better stop here for words are escaping me faster than my fingers can type.
Now I have a question. Not to you the reader but to no one in particular: “What can I do to stay here?” The Israelis will not give me more than 3 months visa, while a total stranger can come and live here for ever – in my home. What to do?
